Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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