I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
