how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
bring money and cleavage
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
