Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
