So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
