apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
