I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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