Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
