So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
