Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
