he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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