4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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