That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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