yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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