I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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