I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
