i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
