Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
