brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
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