omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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