If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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