angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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