carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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