Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
its liver damage thursday
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
