dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
