shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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