Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
