oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
