went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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