Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
