he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
