Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
