My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
