Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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