We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
