sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
