I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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