Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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