Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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