so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
