i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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