On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
