OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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