I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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