You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
