Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
