Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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