Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I have fence marks all over my body
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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