question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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