he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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