I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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