i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.