it was like his penis was on wheels.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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