I wish I could teleport
Do vagina's smell?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
