We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.