I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
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Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
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Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants