Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
