Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Randomize
