i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza