Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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