Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
