he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
