We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Randomize
