Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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