butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
