If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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