Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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