Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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