Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
