VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
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She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
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She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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