Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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