I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
My penis needs a shock collar
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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