maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
