Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
