i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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