I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
