thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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