I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
