you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
