We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
