ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
