You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
